After swimming, extreme sledding, etc. with cousins all week in Idaho, then driving home... is it acceptable to look this bad????

No worries... I recovered. Oh the miracle of the shower :D Happy New Year!

"Happy Christmas Harry!"

"Happy Christmas Ron.."

The First day of Winter

Today {well actually yesterday, because I'm writing this at midnight, but I'm going to refer to it was today} is Winter Solstice... the shortest day of the year. Which means it is also the first day of Winter [BOO].


I live in Utah.. you might think that I'm some crazy cool snowboard chick or a ski bunny, but I'm neither! I hate the winter. It means icy roads, cold nights, and being cooped up inside your house for like 6 months. I think I should've been born in southern Cali or some place warm like that. 


So my Kaylen Philosophy says there are only three reasons to ever be grateful for winter: 

1- Hoodies

{so picture explanation... its the only pic I had of my favorite hoodie, but one day I poured my cereal and the milk was frozen.. I had already had a terrible day and I thought I was going to cry! ha ha} 

Hoodies are my favorite item of clothing because whenever you have one of those days where you look like crap then you just put on a hoodie and sweat pants and everyone looks at you like hey she tried to look like crap--that's cool! But on the other hand if it's summer time and you're simply in a t-shirt and shorts people just think oh she looks like crap.. does that make sense?? ha ha maybe just in my head, but regardless I love wearing hoodies!


2- Christmas

{I look like I'm probably about 5'7'' in this picture! ha ha but in reality I'm 5'3''... we're all pretty small in my family}

Christmas morning is the best. We always take a picture before we go and see what Santa brought and we always look like crap... but I love the holiday season. I love being around family and eating well... so Christmas is good :)


3- Pomegranates

I <3 Pomegranates. They come into season about November and they are so delicious! The only problem is that they are super tough to open and take some work to prep which is why a lot of people stay away from them, but last year Fresh Spice told me her secret and I will share it with the blogging world!

STEP 1: Fill a bowl with water and then make a small cut in the pomegranate and crack it open in the water

STEP 2: Break pomegranate apart under water and you will begin to notice that the seeds sink and the pulp floats {if you've ever attempted to de-seed a pomegranate then you know that as you try to remove the seeds they pop and squirt juice everywhere and stain everything, but by doing it under water that problem is averted}

{don't ask me why I left the knife in the bowl}

STEP 3: pull out all of the floating pulp and drain the water...

IT'S LIKE HARVESTING GOLD :D

{please note that I am wearing a hoodie while preparing pomegranates.. :) }

Gracias Fresh Spice for making life simple!

So there you have it.. three reasons why I tolerate winter.. The End

Dear Blogging World

It's been a while! Holy! The last two weeks have been quite insane for me... I will admit that this isn't going to be an awesome post with tons of pics or insights-- it's more like a sorry that I've neglected you for so long and I'm writing right before I go to bed kind of post. But the good news is that there is posting to be had.. I have a couple good things to write about, but really its just a matter of time. aka if my mom catches me on the computer blogging when I should be containing the disaster that is my room I won't live long enough to see what Santa brought me.. so for now it's job searching in Hometown and organizing my room-- yippee!Well much love friends-- good night :)

Update

Quick update:

• No I didn't give up on school like I so desperately wanted to...
• My college basketball team won both games this weekend against two ranked teams and we should also be ranked by monday because of it.
• I went to the basketball game on Friday night and found a cute outfit and wore my fake glasses :) I felt kinda legit
• I saw The Blindside again today
• Tonight was my last night at Winger's...

and it's just all around been one of the best weekends that I've had in what feels like years.

Why is it that everyone wants to hang out when they find out you're leaving.... yet I've sat in my room almost every night for the last 4 months-- but at least I have a social life for the first time in a while so I won't complain :)

My Current Debate

This semester my goals were #1 Get an A in Biology & #2 Get a 4.0 this semester

Well the good news is that I have an A in Biology but the bad news is that I had a 93%, which is an A, in my history class and I drew a complete blank on the final and probably got a 80-85%... which means that I probably have a A-... No 4.0.

The debate:

BYU doesn't have any sort of transfer scholarship, so as long as my GPA is above a 3.5-3.6 I'll still get in and still pay just as much. They do, however, have a continuing student scholarship which means that once you go for a year, and if you maintain a 3.7 they'll give you half tuition and a 3.9 will give you full... but with my transfer GPA I'll have to maintain a 3.9 my junior year there in order to even qualify for the half tuition my senior year.... and I'm seriously debating how realistic that is--

So here's the deal I have tons of homework to do but every time I go to do it I think to myself "I already messed my 4.0 and I have to pay for school anyway, so why bother!"... I've also had a rough day and am not in the most optimistic mood.... What to do, What to do.

Only solution I can come up with- Finals week blows

Attached

Heart strings come in all different shapes sizes

and are all developed in different ways

Many are small, thin, and growing

Others are old, thick, and deeply rooted

Some are more easily broken because they're frail

or because they've been severed before--

and sometimes they take time and work to seperate

But the most interesting type are ones you didn't even realize existed

until you felt the pain of them breaking.

GO SEE IT!

Best movie of 2009-- I cried.

Beck.Bo.Brazil

So good news! Sister Beck came to "college town" friday night.. and it was SO good! For those that might not know Sister Julie B. Beck is the General Relief Society President for the church-- she is amazing! So she told us that her topic would simply be answering questions from the audience. I HATE it when they say that because I always feel like we end up hearing stupid irrelevant questions like "What is the daily schedule like for a member of the Relief Society Presidency?" BOO! I want to be spiritually fed, not informed of the time she eats and brushes her teeth.. But OH was I wrong! Even though some of the questions seemed inapplicable to me she always pulled doctrinal concepts and things that EVERYONE could apply in their lives... it was amazing. A couple highlights:

• "Women's leadership role is that of influence."
• "If you are too tired to hear the spirit then you become a target for the adversary.. You'll begin to doubt and fear."
• (when speaking about the visiting teaching)- "A phone call can't: see a tear, give a hug, or see an empty shelf"
• "Don't ever underestimate the power of influence."
• (when asked about Family Home Evening and family scripture study) "Consistency is better than perfection."
• "AS WOMEN WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HALF OF THE PLAN-- IT CANNOT BE DELEGATED."

She is one amazing person.. 

Saturday afternoon I headed to HomeTown... After I started the first load of laundry I headed over to Bo's. While I was driving over I thought who do I hug first? My best friend that I haven't seen in a month or my friend I haven't seen in 2 years?? ha ha But the second I walked into the house Kla came running to give me a hug :D I can't even express how grateful I am for her! She is SUCH a good friend to me! Then after I hugged her I gave Bo a big hug as well-- It was SO good to see him. His voice was like a crazy blast from the past! Samson came over later and it was just a good little rendezvous! 

Sunday was an interesting day... It was the first time I had seen Brazil since the Mayday concert.. which was like 3 days after the break-up so it'd been a while and I was terrified because I had this vision of seeing him and completely crumbling into a sobbing mess.. no good! I had SO many worries- Should I talk to him? Should I give him a hug? Should I just leave right after so that I don't make a fool of myself? Does his family hate me? How should I act around everyone? WHAT DO I DO? I don't think I've ever prayed so hard throughout a sacrament meeting in my life! I made eye contact with Bo on the stand & the look on his face was like "holy crap! I can sense the tension from here" ha ha-- He gave a great talk tho and it calmed me down a lot-- and after the meeting I took a deep breath and stood to face it all. 

As I walked through the aisle it was just a sea of faces I'd known forever. The last time I'd seen most of them was at Brazil's homecoming.. except this time I had to face it without him by my side. I gave a lot of hugs, but my mind continued to race with questions.. Had he moved on completely? Was it going to be awkward? What were we going to talk about? Would he even talk to me?  But my thoughts were interrupted by a tap from behind me and I turned to see the smiling face of Brazil's youngest sister. She gave me a big hug and comforted me in a way I don't think she'll ever realize. The next person I met as I walked into the foyer was Brazil's dad.. another comforting hug.. I could do this. 

Bo was the next hug and then after a quick chat I headed for Brazil. I was about 3 feet from him when, at the sight of me, he opened his arms and the tension was broken. It felt so good to relax a little for the first time in hours. We chatted for a couple minutes-- just quick updates about life... It was good. He doesn't hate me :)

We all headed to the Bo's luncheon and as I walked to my car, Samson gave me props for keeping class and composure {thank you for your support. You're the best!} The luncheon was SO fun. I finally had the chance to give the Head Nurse a hug and since the ice had been broken on all levels- I could finally enjoy myself. Brazil and I were able to joke around which I loved because it keeps alive the hope that after this is all over we can still maintain our friendship.  As we ate I found myself staring down the table at all of the people I was currently surrounded by.. Kla, Bo, Pete (friend that recently returned from his mission), Brazil, Samson, and Dalton... We were all back together! I realized how grateful I was for the amazing people that the Lord had surrounded me with throughout the most crucial years of my life. This year I'm most grateful for friends. <3

What I won't be doing tomorrow

Due to the current state of women around the globe, I feel the need to clear my name.

Tomorrow I will not be joining the throngs of women going to see New Moon.

Will I see it ever?... probably, but not if I have to pay for it..
Do I hate you if love the series? Of course not!
But do I sometimes poke jokes at you? .. Maybe ;)
Have I read the saga? Yes
Did I enjoy it? .... Yes
Do I wish to see Jacob with his shirt off? Not particularly
So does that mean I'm on "Team Edward"? ... No

Here's my case. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I read Twilight... I liked it! It's a good story! Is Edward much hotter in my head than in the movies.. of course.. but I can't handle the intensity of the crazed women that would leave their husbands for Edward if he was real (I wish that was an exaggeration!). I feel bad even supporting something something that make women think these crazy things!

Direct Quote from a 19 year old girl that just barely came up to me 2 seconds ago talking about Twilight:

"I'm obsessed and now have unrealistic expectations about my future relationships"

... point proven

I love reading and I'm glad that this whole series got a lot of girls and women into reading... reading is FABULOUS! But I've read plenty of good love stories that are equally as good--

Conclusion: The Twilight series is a good story, but there are other good stories out there! Keep reading don't just read Twilight, become obsessed, and then re-read the series again and again. Explore other books! Otherwise you might be the kind of twilighter I make fun of--

PS: Bo gets home today.. :) I am jealous of Kayla! That was such a fun time and I hope her "moment" is everything she ever dreamed it would be. Love you Girl!

Isn't it strange how you can think that you've hit rock bottom, but-- just as the thought "Nowhere to go but up" crosses your mind-- the trap door opens beneath you...

Superstitions

Isn't it funny how superstitious we are? Maybe I should just speak for myself, but whenever I say something like "I've never had a cold sore" someone always says.."Knock on wood!" Why? Why do we do these weird things like knock on wood? I know that the chances of me getting a cold sore just because I said that isn't truly realistic, but I STILL don't want to risk it, so I end up looking all around me for a piece of wood! DUMB!

All day long I thought about what to wish for today.. stupid I know, but randomly I would think what should my wish be? and I couldn't think of one. I've wished the same exact wish for every shooting star, 11:11, birthday, etc. for the past couple years, and I won't lie as late that wish will probably never come true-- but even though that wish didn't come true doesn't mean that I'm willing let the chance go by to make a wish!

{funny side note: the only time my wish has varied in about the last 3 years was right after the Stewy situation and I was so bitter about everything that I wished on a shooting star that what goes around would come around for him.. ha ha}

So tonight I was studying for history and I look up and it's 11:11 and I panicked! What do I wish for? and then I randomly thought it and wished it.

Wishes are interesting. When I was a kid I would wish for trillion dollars or something like that, but as I get older I've realized that my wishes are more like desires. I always wish for the desire of my heart [and that night I wanted Stewy to get what's coming ;)] I dunno. If you had a genie in front of you right now that could grant one wish what would it be? and no cop out's by saying "I want to go to the Celestial Kingdom" That's NOT a bad wish, but that's a wish that everyone should have. Think of a wish that might be more unique to you.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at really, but it's just funny how the wishes that you make on a shooting star might say something about you...

Or maybe I think too much and I'm really just a rambling nut case!

DON'T FORGET!

Make two extra special wishes tomorrow!

11/11 - 11:11

Lately

Well lately life has been pretty so-so... not too much going on in my life, but this weekend was pretty eventful!

I went to the Regina Spektor concert this weekend with Katie and Sam.. I was so excited for them to officially meet because they never have and I knew they would get along great because if nothing else they both dress amazingly and they could talk about fashion if nothing else, but anywho... we went to Regina and I don't want to say too much about it except that she is crazy~~~ and funny! She sang a couple songs that aren't on any of her cd's (for obvious reasons ;) but she also sang all her good songs! As you might've noticed I put a playlist on my blog dedicated to Miss Regina and I <3 her. My favorite song is "Eet". Mostly because I love the piano-- she had a piano on stage and she was either playing the piano, the guitar, or singing a capella... it was sweetness! She's an amazing pianist, but the really good news is that I got the coolest shirt! Why is it the coolest??? BECAUSE IT'S FITTED FOR A GIRL! You might not think that this is a big deal but it is! Most bands just have regular t-shirts.. but this is a shirt that I would wear on a regular basis! I have another band shirt that is fitted for a girl that Brazil bought me at Warped Tour a couple years ago and even though I didn't really know the band I still wore the shirt because it fit me like a shirt should! So props to Regina for the fitted v-neck shirt that I love.

Also Katie did my nails yesterday which is always fun! We watched a couple movies and they're super cute! I love them! We did mine and then after we had extra color stuff that she would've just thrown away so I asked if I could do her nails! So I did! I've never really attempted acrylic before, but it was really fun! and they look super good! I was super proud of myself. And that's my life.

Recently Discovered Pet Peeve

I don't think I have many pet peeves. Whenever I get asked that question I can never think of anything so I say something like "When people have bad grammer i.e. I used to could do that...no. It's-- I used to be able to do that. anyways...

The other day I was at work and I had a table of 8, they had the Scratch 'N Win cards (those things have caused me more trouble than they're worth!) They had a couple of them and I explained that they could only be used one per party... They didn't like that. So they asked if I could put them on separate tickets to get around that little rule and I told them that the manager was the only one that had the ability to discount the tickets and if she saw that I was using multiple cards per table I would get in trouble, so I couldn't do that-- well they weren't very happy. They asked for one of the other waiters that they knew that worked there and tried to go behind my back and get their tickets discounted and then said stuff like, "The day shift does it" and "They did it the last time I came in" blah blah blah.. it makes me ANGRY!

When people work at a food place or something like that a lot of the time friends will come in and the person will give them free drinks or discount their meal, etc... that's not my pet peeve--

My pet peeve is when people ask me to be dishonest. If I want to give you free drinks or get you discounts and I offer them to you-- fine. But if you come in and say "Hey Kaylen can you throw in some free drinks" and I say sorry I can't, but you keep persisting that I be on a dishonest person I am not ok with that!

So for the record.. don't come into Winger's and ask for free stuff because I'll tell you to take a hike!

Much Love~

Is there such a thing as a good pick up line?

Tonight I was working and because it was Halloween I thought that we'd be either SUPER busy or SUPER slow... we were slow. So about 9:00 I get this table of three guys; two are under 21 and one is looking over the drink menu.. He's barely 21..:

[Summerized Convo]

-"Do you have Bud on tap?" 
-"Ya, but I'm not 21, so I'll have to have someone come and take your drink order"
then he proceeds to say things like oh you're not 21? You look at least that old..How old are you then.. blah blah blah blah trying to create convo and seem all superior because he's older and can legally get drunk off his rocker, but I'm already getting annoyed because he's already starting to hit on me
-"Well I'll give you a few more minutes to decide."
------------
Come back a couple minutes later with the other two guys' drinks:
-"What would you suggest from the bar?"
-"... umm-I'm not 21 [duh!].. and I don't drink, so I really couldn't tell you"
-"Oh right.. well how big are your draft beers?"
-"24oz and 14oz"
-"Well how big is that?"
-"Um..."
-"Well can you just bring a mug so that I can see the size of the 24oz?"
etc etc etc... So after 20 minutes of debating, having seen the size of our mug, and inquiring about all the prices.. He decided to go with the 16 oz. Freak.


So the point of that whole speal was to emphasize the fact that this kid was a true winner! There were a couple other things that they said and did were just tacky... but we're going to fast forward to the end..

When I went to give them their check I also gave them a couple of our Scratch N' Win cards.. so when I came back from getting their change the one kid was like

-"So I won the first prize.. What does that mean?"
-"Oh that means that you get a free entree the next time you come in."
-"Is that all?? Because I was hoping that first prize was your phone number..."
-"Nope.. It isn't and I can't give my number out at work"
I turn and walk away and he calls after me
-"Wait come back.. What about after work?"
but they were paid and done-- so I left because I didn't have to go back...

I give him an A for originality because that's not a line you can find online, but I just want to know if ever in the history of the world has a pick up line worked for a guy.. some guys will use them as a joke and get away with it, but for real has anyone ever been dead serious about using a pick up line and got anything less than a dirty look... ha ha I dunno, but I was glad because the look on his face and the convo repeating in my head made me laugh randomly the rest of the night...

Pineapple

Today I was a pineapple for a day-- Katie had fantasy hair day in cosmetology so I was her lovely model

Random right?

PS Remember my blind date Jake from last year?? The one that talked about bowel movements and such.. well he's engaged-- I saw the pics on facebook the other day. He was SO good looking, but SO kinda weird.. funny funny

My New Goal

Lately I've been kind of a complainer. It seems like everything that I want to do the Lord doesn't want me to do.. it's been proven time and time again!

-I want Brazil-- the Lord says No

-I want to move to the Valley come January-- the Lord says go back to Hometown

-I'm nervous and unsure about going to BYU (and scared that I'll become a crazy ZOOBIE!) and think another school might be a better choice for me-- the Lord says No..

Today I went to the Y and had a campus tour and I STILL am unsure about it... but it's all I have right now-- So I'm going to start EMBRACING and stop rejecting.

The End.

The Brain

I was thinking today about how AMAZING our brain is-- I'm mostly talking about triggers... not gun triggers but memory triggers. It's amazing how your senses will trigger memories and they're so vivid! I dunno it's weird!

For instance:

~Last night I went with a couple of friends to this "haunted" ghost town out in the boonies and I won't lie I really wasn't scared. The boys told a bunch of truly scary stories to get us in the mood to be scared & they didn't scare me really, but it scared the other girls .. anyways there was this HUGE creepy rundown barn and we went inside-- But when I walked in I looked around with a smile on my face. WHY? Because the look and smell of that old barn reminded me of one of my favorite places on earth. Every summer of my life I've gone up to our family's ranch in Idaho. It's beautiful and carries with it the happy memories! So instead of being like the other pansy girls there and clinging to the nearest male figure I walked confidently because our barn brought no bad feelings, so why should that barn?

~When I'm listening to General Conference I can close my eyes and I feel like I'm 9 years old again at Grandma's house with all of the cousins trying to play, but not being able to focus on anything but the sound of Conference echoing throughout the house, but with that sound comes the almost tangible smell and taste of roast beef from Grandma's kitchen. My mouth is literally watering right now thinking about it!

~Music is AMAZING to me. I love it. Whenever I hear the song Fantasy by Mariah Carey-- OH MY. I'm back to 7th East. I don't even know how old I was but about 3rd grade and Me, Sporty, my sisters, her sister, and her cousins got together and we made up dances to songs like Get Down by Backstreet Boys, Mariah Carey, Beach Boys, etc. Then after literally WEEKS of practicing-performed them for our families for FHE one night... We had the first couple of songs, then a wardrobe change during which Will told Elephant jokes, and then we finished with a couple more dances. That was like 12 years ago-- AND I CAN STILL DO MOST OF THE ACTIONS! ha ha!

Like I said brains are amazing but sometimes I wonder why I can remember the words to songs that I haven't heard in like 5 years, but I can't remember half the stuff I learned in biology 2 weeks ago.. Food for thought.

Biology 1010

This semester for me is JAMMED. Because I'm graduating early (in December) I have a 17 credit hour load which includes Biology 1010. My current GPA is a 3.87 and I'm super proud of it! but I can get a much better scholarship at any university in the state if I have a 3.9 to transfer aka I HAVE to get a 4.0 this semester to raise it. So I set that as my goal. My road block-- Biology 1010.

I won't lie I am a pretty smart girl.. I don't study a ton for tests, but this class is ROUGH. I can honestly tell you that I've never read a textbook in my life.. like maybe a page here or there, but I READ my book.. I go to class every day and I put in at least 8-10 hours of studying for each test. I work my butt off. Our class started with about 40 students and is down to 25 because people dropped out. Before they dropped out our test average was a 65% and now it's a 74%..

I just want to express to you how tough this class is so that you appreciate it when I tell you that I got the TOP SCORE on the last test! and I currently have a 96%... :D It's been freaking tough, but it's taught me to study and discipline because as I get further into school it'll become harder and harder, so I needed a class to kind of prep me for upper division classes and it's just been good for me! So I just wanted to share that news with you that I am achieving the goal.. and I'm proud of me.

Stress Relief

So I'm a pretty busy girl lately, but I've started to really love to just edit pictures. My sister was married in June and her photographer was a super cool guy and took some really good pictures, but he didn't edit any of them. He gave us 2 CD's with over 400 raw pictures on them-- She was kind of upset because they looked pretty bland so I told her that I'd edit them when I had time and it really is super fun to look at the before and afters! I wish I was as good as some of my friends that have a natural eye for color, depth, and art in general, but regardless it helps me unwind! and it never ceases to amaze me what editing can do for a picture! So here are some of them:

Isn't she just beautiful?

The Beginning and The Reason

As I mentioned in the previous post Homecoming 2005 changed my life. I vividly remember telling my friend Amanda that if "Brazil" Larsen asked me to Homecoming I would probably pee my pants. He was my dream. He is a year older than me and just SO cool! Well he asked me! and I didn't pee my pants, but I was more excited than you can imagine. I look back at pictures and I was just so awkward and truly ugly! ha ha no fashion sense, just weird! But I guess he saw some potential ;)

Because you might not be able to tell.. I'm in the turquoise dress and Brazil is in the gray shirt with the white tie.. and he kept making me laugh when they were taking the picture so the reason my arms aren't folded is because I'm pinching his leg ha ha- random memory that I just remembered!

Brazil was my first date, but the reason this date is set apart is because on this night he kissed me. 4 years ago today was my first kiss and I remember sitting in his car after the dance staring at my feet not knowing what to do and then he just did it... and it was amazing... and it was all head over heals from that point on. 4 years. 1/5 of our lives. October 15th will always be special to me.

A lot of people have asked me why-- he'd only been home a week and a half! I've been told I should've given it more time and let him adjust before I decided, but here's what happened. Brazil came home and I had never smiled bigger in my life.. I couldn't stop touching him... I always had to be right next to him, or touching his arm, etc. And he felt the same- it was as if I thought that if I let him go he might disappear again. Everything was good, but I'm telling you now that in the days that followed I got powerful, distinct impressions that I needed to end things with Brazil. I was horrified-- I didn't post for days and when people asked about him I'd just beat around the bush because I knew deep down that I had to do the thing that I had dreaded above all and I was at a loss for words.

I told myself that I should give it time-- and make sure that this was what I REALLY needed to do, but I was abruptly told No.. Do it now. I cried. After that all I could do was accept the Lord's will for me and I began preparing to tell him. And then I did the hardest thing that I've ever done up to this point. But the Lord is in this. I went to conference and the part that was directed at me was when Elder Scott said:

"As you gain experience and success in being guided by the spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your depencence upon what you see or hear."

Despite what my physical senses tell me, my spiritual senses say something different. I been thinking a lot about weird things that people were asked to do in the scriptures.. Noah was asked to build an ark and put a bunch of animals on it?? what the crap? Nephi was asked to KILL a man? That's against EVERYTHING he'd been taught and makes zero sense! We read those stories and because we know the end result and the blessings that came from their decision we don't look at the magnitude of what they were asked to do initially. Now I am in NO way saying that I am comparable to Nephi or Noah because I know that at moments I have not handled myself or the situation in the best manner as they would have and for those it might've affected I appologize, but I'm trying. And I know that I was asked to do something of the Lord that seems impossible. It doesn't make any sense to me or to him-- but I've never seen the Lord lead anyone astray. I think we can all look at times in our lives when we wanted to ask WHY? but the answer didn't come for months or years... I might look back in 30 years and think that my decision wasn't so hard based on the outcome or blessings that came into both of our lives, but as for now I'm building my ark, for reasons I don't understand yet, and some people are saying I'm crazy, but I will go and do.

Without Her--I Can't Imagine

I have known Kayla since 1999 when I moved to hometown. She is two years older than I am and I was ALWAYS super intimidated by her. She was in my ward and I honestly don't know if we even spoke to each other until 2005:

Homecoming 2005 changed everything in my life. Bo, who had hardly spoken to Kayla and didn't really even know her, asked her to homecoming... and who asked me... Brazil ;) look at those young bucks! I remember Bo freaking out saying I can't ask her I don't even know her! and I was like Kayla's nice I think.. she's in my ward. ha ha

After that it was history. Bo and Kayla slowly hooked up & Brazil and I were tied at the hip... we did everything together-- we doubled on dates, we went to prom, etc. We were the Quad.
Then tragedy struck and our boys left us after almost 2 years of being inseparable. So what did we do? We coped together...

We went on road trips (singing Mayday Parade the whole time)

Remember our Allred obsession?

We did everything that reminded us of them-- we stayed up on countless nights saying things about them that we'd said thousands of times before, but we didn't care because she wanted to talk about Bo just as much as I wanted to talk about Brazil so we just rambled for hours on end.

Two years past for me-- and who was there while I got ready to see him? took pictures? and shared Brazil's and my moment when he got home??

Kayla

Then TRUE tragedy struck and I called her crying not knowing what to do because being with Brazil didn't feel right and I didn't know what to do.. who comforted me best? Who supported my decision, even though it probably meant that the Quad wouldn't survive? Who was the FIRST person I called afterwards? And who cancelled all of her plans in order to drive two hours to comfort me on the hardest day of my life?

Kayla

So to distract me we drove up to General Conference and bartered on the streets for PLAZA (aka floor) level seats!

Then when I went to Mayday instead of abandoning me to be in all the action with all the boys, she came out of the craziness to spend most of the concert by my side.
And this weekend was our paint dance and she came down again just to hang out and spend time..
Even though Brazil and I didn't work out if nothing else I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to find her--

Dear Kayla:

You're the best. I won't lie sometimes I wondered while the boys were gone whether or not we would be friends if it weren't for them... because that's literally all we talked about! Ha Ha.. but that was stupid of me. You have been there for me always. and I feel so blessed to have had someone by my side that can truly sympathize with EVERYTHING that I'm going through. You've helped me through the hardest times of my life and you truly are my best friend and I hope that I've done something for you along the way also... but don't even worry I'll be right by your side as you welcome Bo home. For better or for worse ;)

Loves girl!

Klinny

Worth it???

Here's the deal:

Brazil's birthday was on the 12th so when he got home I gave him 2 tickets to Mayday Parade as his belated present.. they're my FAVORITE band in the world (their best song is I'd Hate to be You When People Find Out What This Song is About FYI ;) and he likes them too! I was so excited!... we didn't make it long enough to go together (it's my fault...). After we broke up he asked what I wanted to do with the tickets and I told him that they were a gift and that he should go and take one of our friends that didn't have a ticket yet (a big group of us were going to go together)... so he did...

The concert was yesterday and I was DYING! The band is from Florida and they don't come very often. Kla called me before and asked what kind of T-shirt I wanted, told me they were meeting the band right then, etc... I couldn't take it.... I got in the car and drove.

I parked about two blocks away from the venue and RAN two and half SLC blocks to get there. I made it with literally 5 minutes to spare. I found Posh Spice (it was SO good to see her!) and then Kla found me...

She said that she'd told Brazil that I would be there because I just COULDN'T miss it and that I would keep my distance (because it's just hard to see each other). He said that he understood completely.

So Mayday performed and I screamed so loud that my throat throbbed.

It was spectacular, but once they were done and the other band was playing it became a game of look over my shoulder and glance all around me to make sure that I didn't run into him.. because I KNOW it's hard for him.. not that it's a cake walk for me.. but it was just rough. I know that he caught glimpeses of me at times, but I tried my hardest not to ruin his night while still trying to enjoy mine.

Can I even express to you how HARD it is to wait for someone for TWO WHOLE YEARS.. miss them constantly and maybe sometimes pray in vain that they break their leg so that they can come home early and see you ;) .. and then 2 weeks after they get home find yourself avoiding that person in order to not break both of your hearts even more then they already are.... Well in case you can't truly empathize with me I'll just let you know that it's the worst and I wish my pain on no one... Not even Hilter--

ok maybe Hitler ;)

But I just keep asking myself.. was seeing my favorite band EVER worth the pain for both of us? I'm still undecided.

A Different Path

Brazil and I are no longer together. After much fasting and prayer I realized that there is a different path for me right now. It's hard. Brazil and I have an extensive past together-- full of memories and moments that I wouldn't trade for the world. But for some reason we aren't supposed to be together right now.

So many doors have been opened for both of us that we never planned. He managed to get a scholarship to "chosen university" for Spring semester (I don't know if he realizes how significant that is... they RARELY give scholarships for Spring.. they are usually given in the Fall) and this isn't any scholarship.. it's one doing graphic design for the school, which is his major. So not only does he get all his tuition covered but he will build his portfolio at the same time. This is only one of the blessing that have come into his life as of late, but the Lord has a plan for him and he is opening doors for him.

As for me... Everyone always told me to have a plan B. I did--sort of. I swear on my life that I thought we'd be together, so I never REALLY gave plan B a thought, but here I am a month and a half from graduation (I'm graduating early) and I had no real direction at all. No preference for school, no "declared" major, etc. But after a series of intense prayer, pondering, & blessings I feel like I'll find myself at the Y this coming Fall and I'll possibly move to that general area come January... Talk about wrench in the gears.. Whether I like it or not I am a small town girl. I have always lived in smaller towns, but come January I'll be in total culture shock as I adapt to life in the big city (it's not that big.. but for me it is!).

I have taken the biggest leap of faith of my life so far. Brazil is everything that I've known for the last 4 years of my life. And even though our hearts are broken, I know that the Lord has a plan for both of us. There are still lessons to be learned and experiences to be had. And life would be unfair if happiness wasn't attainable.. but I know that together or separate we can both obtain happiness if we live our lives the way that we should. I know that I have made the hardest decision of my life but I also know that it was the correct decision for me.

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

-The Fray

"Why is a dangerous question- because when asked of someone in authority, it implies that you question their judgement.."

Why is also the hardest question NOT to ask.

Thanks!

Mostly I just want to say thank you to everyone that reads. These last weeks have been crazy and it's been fun to post about all of the happenings, but mostly I'm grateful for all of the people reading that have been showing me support and encouragement.. whether i know you or not- or whether or not you comment... I'm grateful all the same. If you keep reading then I'll keep trying to live an interesting enough life to post about it ;) 

Loves-

He's Back!

Brazil is home. WEIRD! ha ha here's the scoop:

So after taking the hardest test of my life.. I threw all of my stuff into a suitcase and got out of town ASAP. When I got to Hometown Kla came over and I hurriedly got ready! Then there was a knock at the door and Brazil's mom was there with the letter. I opened it and bawled. It basically expressed his love for his mission and the sacred two years that it was. It was SOOO good! so at that point I was a wreck!

Kla took a picture of my right before we left with the letter in my hand.

His name tag was used as a paper clip..

Then we took a pic in the car!

please note that my face is quite red and I'm STILL teary eyed! Son of a gun!

Then we headed to his house. The Head Nurse told us that the interview shouldn't take very long and right after she dropped off the letter she was going to go and pick him up.. so we hurried over there asap! but when we got there no one was home.. so I decided to sit on the porch and wait--

Well time passed and Dalton ( another close friend ) showed up and he waited with us.

25 minutes went by and i got a call from the Head Nurse stating that the interview only took about 10 minutes, but Brazil had seen a soccer buddy from high school at the stake center and decided to chat... for forever! Well finally he came...

Me standing on the porch as they drove in--

Then we HUGGED!

this pic didn't turn out very bright so i just messed with the exposure-- that 's why it looks a little funny but at least you can see us!

This next picture needs explaining.. so after we hugged for probably 3 minutes- Kla took a pic

of us and guess what Brazil did.... HE WENT TO DO A THUMBS UP!.. remember this post about the thumbs up?? So I smacked his hand down and was like NO MORE THUMBS UPS! He laughed and said "AH! it's such a bad habit!!" lol

then we were all laughing when she took the picture... which is probably the reason why I look ridiculous!

After that we all went inside and chatted! It was fun to listen to him :)

Well that's pretty much the story! We hung out that night and then I went over to visit him the next morning and helped him unpack and stuff.. I also gave him his birthday present which is two tickets to the MAYDAY PARADE concert next month! We're both STOKED! and we are also going to a college football game and General Conference next weekend :) good stuff!