Spring Semester--- Check!

This is what I did the second I got in my car tonight!... haha I love What About Bob...

My spring semester is over! yeah! I have a killer head cold, so to be honest I don't even remember what I wrote in my essay because I was SOOO out of it, but I'm just glad to be done and am praying for a C! haha

In other news:

I saw Super 8 the other night. It was CRAZY. I liked it. The fat kid swears excessively I do have to warn you. It was so intense though.. I went with Samson and he had a good point.. "if I was in their situation I would be swearing too!" It took my 2 hours to calm down after watching it because at every creek or noise I thought for sure something was going to jump out at me. It isn't a scary movie with a monster or murderer that is killing everyone... it's more the suspense of I have no clue what is going to happen next ... anyway loved it.

One of the previews was for the next Twilight movie and yes they are separating the last movie into 2 parts... because they wanted to drag out the agony I guess. Twilight wants to be Harry Potter so bad it's embarrassing. But yes I do have my HP7.2 tickets already :) I can't wait.

oh boy

those of you that are fb friends with me knew this post was coming....

I know I shouldn't feel obligated to divulge all my crazy life experiences and such on my blog, but when I remember this doubles as part of my journal... I cave and post.

Ray is the best. He has (without fully knowing it) opened my eyes to MANY of my flaws... in a good way. He made me realize my potential and has helped to give me so many tools to reach it. I felt a uneasy after our first date. Not that he was a bad person or that something was fishy, but that it wasn't something that was going to last (I guess that's how I would explain it...) I told Ray about it (a week after our first date haha) and we had an AMAZING heart to heart where we kind of discussed our past experiences with these feelings, etc. I wanted more than anything to date him and after BRAZIL.... then KJO.... I thought 'this really can't be happening again! I must be crazy'.

From that point on I did what my friend/mentor Natalie refers to as 'tip-toed around the Lord'. aka I prayed to see if Ray and I dating was ok, but I had NO real intent. Russell M. Nelson said " 'Real intent' means that one really intends to follow the divine direction given." In other words I asked the question but didn't have the guts or the faith to actually stop if that's what the answer was. {Note to reader: if you do not have real intent the Lord won't waste his time giving you the wanted or unwanted answer.}

Finally I stopped tip-toeing because my efforts to block out the spirit from telling me not to date Ray, I also blocked the spirit from being with me in many other aspects. I loved my trip back east with him. We had a blast, but I wish that I would've been more prepared and in tune because my experiences would've been a million times more amazing if I would've... but then again if I would've listened in the first place I never would've gone at all. Double edged sword.

I knew what my answer was. I kinda just word vomited all over Ray one night. I didn't really have a chronological/well thought out explanation, so I just talked and sobbed for a good 20-30 mins.... and what did Ray do? "Kaylen, go home this weekend, spend time with your family, clear your mind, and then when you come back we will see how we both feel." calm, composed, concerned, perfect. He handles me better than anyone EVER! I think it's because he's old and has experience and just is the best. He knew the worst case scenario and that clearing my mind wasn't going to magically change everything, but he wanted both of us to gain composure and seek insight first before doing anything drastic.

I came back from the weekend and knew that it was over. We went to the park, put up his hammock between two trees and just chatted. He told me that he had thought and prayed a lot and that, even though it wasn't what he wanted, he felt at peace about us not being together anymore. Peace rarely equals Breakup... unless its the right thing to do. He didn't fight for his life.. he didn't tear me up inside... he patiently accepted what we both knew was right. I told him it was all my fault for not listening initially, but he said "Kaylen..I don't regret it ONE BIT! and I would do it all again because we have had so much fun together." .... how/why am I giving him up? Only heaven knows. Truly.

We decided we would call it mutual. I brought it up to Ray and he agreed. No one broke up with anyone. No one is at fault over the other. Peace.

Well that's not to say that it hasn't been a total bummer. I had briefly spoken to my bishop about it and the next Sunday he pulled me out in the hall to ask if Ray and I were together anymore.. I told him no. I expected him to say that he was really sorry and bummed (because he knows and really likes Ray) but instead he said 'Ok that's what I figured because there is this boy in the ward that keeps asking about you.. and he is a great guy and..... blah blah blah blah blah.' I was totally taken back. REALLY BISHOP!? do you think I'm ready to just move on? wrongo. After sacrament meeting I went outside, called Ray, and just cried to him.

I need to morn about this... at least for a little while.

Now after reading this you might think "Kaylen today is Friday.. you just took it off fb yesterday.. how long has it been if you talked after the weekend?" Well you see neither of us could bring ourselves to take it off. We had our talk on the 31st of May. It took us 10 days to finally give up and call it quits for real.

glimmer of hope: With KJo and Brazil I knew it was really over. I talked myself into thinking it might be timing, but I knew it wasn't. With Ray I can see it going either way... Ray feels the same.

In fact last night we went on our last date. We went to Terra Mia for dinner, watched Kung Fu Panda 2 in 3D (ps there were only 3 other people in the theater with us.. and they came late.. haha so it was fun to laugh as loud as we wanted and chat through the movie :) then went back to his apartment and ceremoniously changed our facebook statuses to single {we're lame I know, but it was easier to laugh while doing it together instead of crying myself to sleep at home doing it myself} . {p.s. isn't it ridiculous how crucial the fb status is to our generation..haha anyway} He took me home and before he left he said with hope in his voice "To be continued...."

to be continued.....?

Road Trip in FastForward

The trip was composed of 5 people:

Me

Ray

Jr.

"Fissa"

Jared

Before we left we said a quick prayer that the Lord would prepare a way for us to accomplish all of the things we wanted to and to be safe... This post will help you see how that happened!

We started driving at 10:30pm Saturday Night and drove till we went to church at 1 the next day in Colby, Kansas! There was a slight mix up and we missed sacrament meeting, but the branch president let us have our own little meeting :) it was a neat experience.. [tender mercy 1]

We drove through Kansas and ended up that night in Kansas City, Missouri where our friend Jared was visiting some family. Now that first night we honestly didn't know where we were going to stay. We had a tent packed just in case something happened, but as we were visiting Jared his uncle asked us where we were staying.. We told him we did know, and then He offered his home to us. [tender mercy 2] He and his family are not members of the church, so when we told them why we were on the trip they were kind of like "oh sounds fun", but they fed us phenomenally and the beds were extremely comfortable. And after having been in a car for 24 hours straight we needed the rest.

Our next stop was Adam Ondi Ahman.

jr kaylen ray fissa jared

Basically the name means "the place where Adam dwelt" This is also where many future events will take place during the second coming...

Ray collected "sacred" dirt at every place we went.. weirdo. haha

NAUVOO.

If you remember me going to Nauvoo last year you will know this is one of my most favorite places on earth. Truly.

Because everyone else is endowed... I went to the baptistry while they did a session in the temple. I got to the baptistry desk and I was the only one there. The matron (female temple worker) greeted me and told me I was the only one they'd had all day and had been so excited for me to come. It was quite the experience. I felt very strongly that God loved ME. Individually. He knew Me. It was fantastic.

A member of the temple presidency, Pres. Smith, was there with his wife to speak to me and while we talked he asked me where we were staying. I told him that Fissa had a mission companion in Iowa City (two hours away) that was expecting us tonight and then we would be back early in the morning to see Carthage. He told me that was not going to work. haha He said that he and his wife had rented a little house for the summer for family to stay in when they came to visit and they wanted us to stay there tonight so that we wouldn't have to drive so much. [tender mercy 3] After I was finished doing the ordinances we started chatting and Pres and Sister Smith looked at each other and said don't we have like 100 Return Missionaries we could set her up with?? and I said Well I'm dating one of the boys that I'm here with.. Pres Smith said he would need to have a chat with him ;) They were the sweetest couple! I just felt like I had known them for years. Pres Smith went upstairs to the dressing room and asked which one of them was Ray... Ray raised his hand and Pres Smith walked up to him and shook his hand. In his hand he slipped Ray a $100 bill and said "Take her to dinner, and bring them along with you!" [tender mercy 4] That money paid for all of us to eat dinner and breakfast the next morning. AMAZING.

It was the cutest little house. It had like 8 beds, so everyone got their own and Ray didn't have to listen to Junior snore all night :) This was the view outside the window...

Then my absolute favorite part of Nauvoo...

The sunset on the Mississippi. Spectacular. Everyone else was taking pics and chatting so Ray and I walked a little ways down the hill and just enjoyed it :) then if you look on the pic above you'll see the little red bench on the front porch.. Ray and I sat there till it was dark. It was kinda romantic :)

Then we all went on a walk and this is the frog Ray killed.

haha jk but it was dead on the road. Sad.

The next day we got up early and the Smith's had told us to sign their guest book.. so we pulled it out and it was FULL of stories like "we were stranded when the tornado we through st. louis... thank you for opening your little home to us" or "thank you for helping a stranded family with a broken down car. for paying to get it fixed and also giving us a place to stay till it was done" This little book was FULL of stories like that. Ours was a message that said "thanks for giving some poor college kids money and a place to stay while we are on this trip building our testimonies." It was then that I decided that I wanted to be just like them. Have enough money to be comfortable, but then be able to just help people like crazy. It was AWESOME!

Carthage was next. Here I shared the story of my ancestor that was in Nauvoo at the time of Joseph and Hyrum's death.

Then Kirtland.....

Then Niagara Falls...

Then I went in the boys bathroom and didn't realize it till I was washing my hands and saw the urinals... oops. Ray was OBVIOUSLY waiting outside with his camera on hand. dirtbag ;)

Then Upstate New York!

We ate at this TERRIBLE place called the Garbage plate.. Fissa said all the greenie's in her mission were taken there (she served her mission in Rochester/Sacred Grove site Mission).

it was disgusting.

Lilacs are my favorite :)

Me and Ray

When we went to the Peter Whitmer farm I was changing my shoes and ....

I may or may not have left the keys in the back seat.. you can see the little back remote to the right of the brown bag.. crap.

this is us waiting for the lock smith. You can see Ray's uncle next to me... He lives with his family in Pennsylvania, so he came up with his wife and daughter to hang out with us! It was a blast and NO LIE he paid the lock smith for getting the keys out before I even had a chance to get my wallet out of the car. THEN he "went to the bathroom" during dinner but really he was paying for the ENTIRE ticket.. and junior ordered 2 dozen bbq wings! [tender mercy 5&6]

Then finally the Sacred Grove.

This was our friend and tour guide Bob. He is the caretaker of the Grove and Hill Cumorah... so it was a special experience to say the least...

(collage that Ray put together)

In New York we stayed with some amazing members and also the mission president. We never had to stay in a hotel. We only paid for our food when we were on the road. [tender mercies 7, 8, & 9]

Our last stop was the Susquehanna River. We were there May 15th. The day the Priesthood was restored. It rained ALL day except for the ten minutes we were there. The sun came out and it was beautiful [tender mercy 10]

Then it was a straight shot from there home. 34 hours later. holy smokes.

It was amazing. I KNOW the Lord will prepare a way in all we do as long as we will let Him be a part of our lives. Let Him be a part of our trips. Let Him consume our thoughts. etc. AND as long as we are doing our best to be worthy of that help, to try to be like His Son, we will never be left wanting.

:) amen.