The Nighttime Whatifs

Whatif

by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

I do love this poem and smiled when I reread it for the first time in years, but it's 3 am.

These Nighttime [and daytime] Whatifs have got to end--

Completion

After a grueling 2.5 hour written examine which included:

13 2-5 sentence short answer (about anything from colonial America to Reconstruction in 1877)

1 8-10 paragraph essay (topic: did the north win the civil war or did the south lose, defend your answer)

1 10-12 paragraph essay (topic: History is often written from the winners prospective, write about specific historical events from 18th & 19th century taking the prospective of African American slaves or Native Americans)

I AM FINISHED!

SIDE NOTE: my professor didn't even give us a review.. directly quoted conversation

Student: Do we get a review for the final?

Richards: No.. you just need to know everything.. [seeing the panicked looks on all our faces]..Ya'll (she's a "southern bell" aka not scared to speak her mind) need to learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff. It's part of the college experience" AKA sift through your 15 pages of notes and figure out what we think she thinks is important info... SHEEZ!

Needless to say I might have carpal tunnell, but the good news is I LIVED! I honestly... wait.. I was about to say that I honestly don't know how I survived this semester but I know EXACTLY how I survived: practically ZERO social life, library after work from 8-midnight multiple times a week, sneaking Pepsi into the library to keep me awake, getting 6 hours of sleep a night, never working out and studying between clients at the bank. That is how I made it-- well actually I dunno if I made it because grades aren't posted and they could be rough, but I'm being optimistic :)

BYU is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done (intellectually that is). Everyone there is just so frickin smart! oh man well that's my story! Now I can focus on getting Christmas presents and catching up on my sleep.

Loves!

Genealogy.. I am doing it

Did I ever mention that I picked a major? and that it's Family History and Genealogy?

Well if not-- That's my major! So I for my Family History class this semester I have to have 30 research hours.. and the research log is due Thursday... and I have 15 hours... sooooo I'm literally living in the library this week trying to get my research hours completed.

During this this time I discovered that my family has a book written about my family history! And the BYU Library had the book.. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES! haha so I've been reading it for the last hour or so and I just wanted to share this little blip written about my ancestor Archibald Waller Overton Buchanan by his grandson and published in the June 1974 Ensign:

Teenage Witness to the
Martyrdom

By: Golden R. Buchanan

Just a lad of eight or nine was I, but I have not forgotten what he
said, or how the old man trembled as he talked.

Grandpa Archie sat in Mother’s rocker, waiting for his lunch.
Suddenly he called me to him, took me on his lap, and said, “Golden, I am old. I
won’t be around much longer, but I have something to say to you that must not be
lost. I want my grandchildren and their children to know that I was in Nauvoo
when they murdered our Prophet.”

His old body trembled, and he squeezed me until I was almost
frightened as I felt the deep anger in his soul. His feeble eyes blazed, and his
soft, faltering voice became as hard as ice, and as cold:

“How I hated those who dared lay their hands upon the prophet I
loved.”

He sighed, and his old body relaxed a little. “I was there when
they brought their bodies back from Carthage. I saw their bloody, lifeless
forms; I heard the anguished cries of their wives and neighbors; I saw their
sobbing children and tried to comfort them.

“I knew the Prophet’s boys, played with them. They were often in
our home, and I in theirs. Now they were fatherless, even as I. Their father was
a martyr by bullets; my father was dead because of drivings, persecutions, and
hate—but no less a martyr for the truth.

“I was there when they buried the sandbags to deceive the mob and
laid the bodies in secret graves.”

Grandfather paused. He needed strength. And then he went on:
“Listen again, my son. I tell you this because I want you to know. After the
Prophet’s body fell from the window at Carthage, the mob rushed upon him to
desecrate his body. But God would not permit this act of violence. He sent a
sheet of lightning between the Prophet and those sons of the infernal pit, and
they dared not touch him. Golden, my son, remember this—they could not touch
him. They ran and are running still and will run till judgment
day.”

He was tired now and his voice trailed off, “I hope I am present at
that day.”

He dozed. Slowly the color crept back into his face, and when he
opened his eyes, they shone with a light I had not seen before. Holding me at
arm’s length, he commanded with a voice that no longer shook:

“My boy, look at me and listen. I want you to hear it from one who
was there. I want you to hear it from one who loved him. I want you to hear it
from one who knows.

“Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. Through him God restored his
church, and it will never be destroyed or taken from the earth. Now, my boy,
remember what I say. I, your grandfather, was 14 then, and I was there.”

WOW! What a crazy story right! ANYWAY I am pretty much going insane from having been at the library for so long, so I needed a break and thought that this is a great enough story to share with EVERYONE!!!

Genealogy... are you doing it?

HARRY POTTER RULES!

Part one in t-minus 9 hours.

Have you ever met my family?

Well if not-- you might be missing out ;)

November 11th already?

It's been 2 weeks since Halloween? what? I was going to post these pics like the day after Halloween (which I swear was yesterday) and before I even blink an eye we're halfway through November!

I LOVE Halloween on Sunday! Why? Because I celebrated Halloween Friday night Saturday and Sunday! It was a blast!

Remember my costume dilemma? Well I decided to be a pirate so Friday night this was the costume

I hated it. I didn't try on the hat before I bought it and it looks lame! So Saturday night I revamped the look and it turned out MUCH better!

Indians and Pirates :D

Then Sunday Lakyn, who is all about Holiday treats and entertaining, wanted to make some drinks, cupcakes, dip, etc and then have some people over! So we started making cupcakes and Lakyn was like We should find out who had Hocus Pocus for that activity last week and borrow it! So I looked up the relief society presidency girl that we thought had it and the convo went as followed:

-Hey Amanda this is Kaylen from the ward- I was wondering if you had/knew where we could get a copy of hocus pocus

-Try walmart, target, or ebay.

-Who had the copy for the relief society activity? Do you know?

-me

-Oh- Are you watching it tonight? If not would you mind if we borrowed it?

-Not home right now.

-Oh ok! No worries- thanks though. Happy Halloween!

hahahaha No lie that is the EXACT conversation that went down between us.. She totally denied me! What ever happened to "Charity Never Faileth"?? Oh man Lakyn laughed at me.. a lot... ha I won't lie I saw her at church on Sunday and now I'm terrified of her! I like tiptoed around her and tried not to make eye contact. Sad day. So instead we watched Harry Potter 4 :D

But here are some pics of our little treats and some of our friends too!

Grape limeades that we half froze so they were nice and slushy

Candy Corn cupcakes

SIDE STORY:

So I'm SLAVING away in the kitchen making these cupcakes and Lakyn is in her bathroom straightening her hair and she's like "...Kaylen.. Come look at this", so I go back into her bathroom and behind her door there is a little water bubble forming under the paint and when I put my hand on it, it was really warm and I could feel the water pressure building up... So I called the RA's and was like hey we have a water issue that we need to get some help on asap because this bubble is starting to grow.. fast. So they tell me they'll have maintenance over soon. Lakyn and I continue making cupcakes and then Lakyn was like I think we should call Chris and have him come look at it. She calls Chris (one of our friends from the ward) and he get to our house in like 2 minutes. The scenario goes something like this:

(Chris walks in the door) Hey girls- which bathroom has the problem?

(Lakyn and Kaylen frosting cupcakes) The bathroom on the left, behind the door..

(Chris walks back the the bathroom and we hear..) IT'S GONNA BLOW!

Right then we hear the pshhhhhh sound of water hitting the mirror on the opposite wall.

Chris comes running out yelling for a bucket, so Lakyn runs in with our dirty batter bowl and tries to stop the water from shooting everywhere as Chris pulls the garbage bag out of the trash and takes it to the bathroom.. About this time Jared shows up to help as well.. but STILL no news from Maintenance so I call and let them know that the bubble has since exploded and they need to HURRY! hahaha

So Lakyn held the bucket that caught the water and deflected it into the trash can that Jared was holding.

It took us like 10 mins to find the water shut off valve, but Chris finally did find it

the hole was like the size of a nail head and the water jetted straight out of it lol

30 mins later the maintenance dude shows up and cuts a nice chunk out of our wall.

Thanks Maintenance Man for taking 40 mins and cutting a huge hole in the wall and not coming back to fix it. boo.

BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

So of course we finished the cupcakes and had a par-tay!

Chris kinda looks like he's putting the moves on Lakyn.. haha but he wasn't

Today is Veteran's Day so I had the day off! Holler! I got a TON done including laundry, homework, grocery shopping, etc.

Agenda for this weekend:

• Read Uncle Tom's Cabin (700 pages in a week is rough)
• Family pictures :S (6 girls attempting to coordinate outfits.. not fun ha)
• 1st BYU BBall game of the year! (we already bought our $5 bball t-shirts so we're ready!)
• Speak in Sacrament Meeting (topic: Agency-- pretty optimistic about it actually)

The End

Coolest Kids I Know-

(Cruela Devil & Purple Fairy :)

I claim them any day

In other news: I am not a huge fan of Halloween. Why? Because I am a cheap wad and hate spending money on costumes.. Hence the reason I've been wearing this baby every year since I bought it at a thrift store when I was in 10th grade for like $3 ha--

But the sad news is that I have NO idea where it is. Probably storage :( I have no clue what I'm gonna be. Maybe a bank teller! ha

Update: Midterms are over. They were almost the death of me! SO much expected of you, SO much material to review, ZERO sleep. BUT I SURVIVED! and I'm almost positive that I passed all of them-- but we'll see.

This weekend I will play. I have studied FAR too much lately and eventho it's Halloween and I don't really love it, I'm gonna dress up and par-tay! NO HOMEWORK! (till monday).

Happy Weekend / Halloween.

3 months later...

I finally put my wedding dress up for sale.

I guess it's about time- ugh.

Deals and Dads

I went shopping this week because I have been saving for a new pair of jeans :) At the bank you get a $60 bonus if you balance +/- $10 for the month.. and for September I was at $9.92+ HOLLER! promise it wasn't rigged, but anyway so that money + my saved money meant good news!

So Kla and I headed to the University Mall and can I just say I got some KILLER deals!! OMGosh I have ZERO buyers remorse today (which is a miracle, because I am my father's daughter and he has the worst buyers remorse I've ever witnessed in my life! lol)

dark wash jeans

AmericanEagle $39

black skinny jeans

Forever 21 $9

(semi monumental because 1-I've never bought ANYTHING at forever 21 because I get TOO overwhelmed by all the clothes 2-they are black! I like um :) AND DID I MENTION they were nine dollars? )

Adorable Eeyore grey button up

Banana Republic $16

(originally 60)

grey sweater thingy

AmericanEagle $20

(originally 40)

carmel boots

Charlotte Rouse $20

(originally 35)

Total= $105 +tax

Total Savings = about $80

it was a miracle to this poor college girl

I'm a happy girl today.

I wore my button up tucked in to my pencil skirt today and it looked SO classy! ha ha (not to toot my own horn or anything lol)

-------------------

Monday Oldest and I went down to RootTown to celebrate Dad's birthday with the whole family! (minus t-dogg, so all the orignals were there says Sass ;)

(I don't have the pics from the dinner but these random ones from my iPhoto are better :)

This is my dad :)

(christmas morning)

(if I was at home I'd scan in pics of me as a cute little blondie at Disneyland with my dad :)

(senior soccer recognition)

My dad is the father of 5 girls. He's been to his fair share of piano recitals, proms, a couple dance recitals, and soccer games as well. Estrogen is no stranger to him :) Even though he knew it meant hours on kiddy rides and pictures with princesses, his favorite family trip is going to Disneyland. He had open heart surgery when I was in 6th grade and then when I was a senior he came to my graduation even though he was sick with a mystery disease that sucked the life and energy out of him for months.

I'll never forget how much I cried as I watched my dad give Oldest away at her wedding. This pic still breaks my heart.

This last year has been tough for me. I have made a lot of difficult decisions and really kind of struggled. I've wondered often whether or not I'm crazy. I couldn't have done it without the loving support that I received from my parents. Even when I doubted myself and the decisions that I made I felt comfort and strength knowing that my dad has ALWAYS supported those decisions. No opinion matters more to me than his. He would text me constantly things like "The future is as bright as your faith" and "Come what may and love it". Or "Hey sis, just thinking about you, hope your doing well. Keep praying" (something to that effect). He has been my emotional rock lately.

I usually don't do these birthday blog speals like others do, but when my roommate Kelsey's dad died it really triggered this overwhelming sense of gratitude for my Dad. He has had more than his fair share of health problems and has given us plenty of scares, but I am grateful that today he is healthy (ish) :) - That at 47 he's still the most regretful, cheap, worrisome, honest, loving, inspired, mostest greatest dad ever!

My dad loves his girls. and we love him back.

(edited to add: my mom just emailed me this. YEAH! and that is IBC rootbeer I promise ;)

Happy Birthday Dad. Love you

New Companion, GC goals, Weekend, +Milestones

New Companion:

This is my newest bestest companion:

I LOVE my backpack :)

Do you think it can carry all this crap?

Oh ya-- it can.

Does it weigh 20 pounds?

YEP

and do I carry it around with me across campus?

... all day long.

Pretty much this thing saves my life and has replaced my purse because I'm so busy with homework 90% of the time that I take it with me everywhere in case I have a spare moment to read or finish an assignment.

---------------------

GENERAL CONFERENCE!

General Conference is honestly THE best. I think that I should just plan on having trauma in my life around the general time frame of conference because that's how it feels like it's been for me-- But I'm SUPER grateful that my trials come around then so that I can get those answers that I need--

(met Kla Bo and Heather there :)

So here are my post-conference goals:

I WILL CONSECRATE MY LIFE (Elder D. Todd Christofferson) BY:

1. Centering my life on the Cornerstone of the Savior (Elder Jay E. Jensen)
2. Utilizing daily personal scripture study (Elder David McConkie)
3. BEING GRATEFUL (President Thomas S. Monson)
4. Finding satisfaction in simplicity (President Dieter F. Utchdorf/Leonardo DiVinci)
5. Trust in God & he'll Trust me (President Henry B. Eyring)
6. Find SOMEONE to serve (Elder Richard G. Scott)
7. Become what I want to be by being what I want to become (Elder Richard G. Scott)

After conference we went up to my Grandma's in Idaho to hang out with my family :D I LOVE MY FAMILY!

(my TWO beautiful sisters :)

the two youngest were having a photo shoot at the feed yard!--

SOOOO Lakyn and I joined in

(I don't think that cowgirls wear coral cardigans, but oh well ;)

----------------------

GUESS WHAT???????

SportySpice is PREGNANT

OMGosh she called me the other day and informed me I was going to be an aunt :D. I am SO excited for her and SO two steps behind her now ha.

----------------------

BYU is TERRIBLE this year in football, but I paid an extra 30 or 40 bones to go to all their games... So we support no matter the score!

I love my cougs no matter what

:)

-----------------------------

Milestones:

Just in case you didn't remember I thought I'd remind you

-

Brazil came home a little over ONE year ago.. which also means I broke up with Brazil ONE year ago

&

I was supposed to be MARRIED to KJo a week and a half ago...

WHY DID ALL OF THESE EVENTS HAVE TO HAPPEN WITHIN A WEEK OF EACH OTHER?

...bad planning on my part I guess.

How am I doing?

--ask me when it actually sinks in

until then I'll be in my bedroom doing homework.

2 Quick Stories

First I'll tell you the sad story so that we can get it over with--

Last Sunday my ward was having ward prayer and then we had some treats after, mingled, etc. Well this kid was there that I didn't recognize, so we started chatting and he told me his name was Ezra and that this was his brother Devon's ward not his and that he just came to our activities every once and a while. ANYWAY so a big group of us were leaving back to our apartment building so we were walking and talking and he asked where I was from and I told him that I was from HomeTown... this is the preceding conversation:

"Hometown?! One of my good buddies from the mission was from there! Do you know KJo?!"

(Kaylen, pulling out the knife he'd just stabbed her with, replied..)

"Ya I do.. You went to _____, Brazil on your mission?"

"Yep! Elder KJo is the best!"

"So you know Elder Harris too? "(Kla's hubby went to the same mission)

"Ya I know Elder Harris!"

(Kaylen replies in tone much less enthusiastic than his)

"Umm ya so you want to hear a sad story?"

"...sure."

"I was engaged to KJo about 2 months ago..."

(Ezra replies semi disgustedly) "That was YOU?"

(Kaylen head down) "Ya."

WELL long story short he got kind of really protective of KJo and kept telling me how great of a guy he was/is (like I don't know that already) and I was like dude it wasn't right! What more do you want from me? I asked him what his last name was and when he told me it I KNEW I'd heard about this kid from KJo before... Anyway I told him not to hate me and that I really had TONS of respect for KJo and didn't have a bad word to say about him, but it was still a little weird for a minute there. I gave him a hug when he left and he seemed cool with it all. I texted Bo about it and he said that KJo had helped him out a lot on the mish with the language or something, so that explains the protective nature I guess, but OF ALL THE PEOLE TO KNOW FROM HOMETOWN! honestly! and it HAD to be this week that it came up... Sad day. I wanted to crawl in a hole.

2nd Story- (which is a much happier I promise :)

Remember when I told you I'd had my palm read in the last post? ha well it was a pretty funny experience-

We were at the dance party/bon fire and this guy had a crowd around him, so we went over to see what was going on--

(the guy in the wife beater in the middle)

He was reading peoples palms lol. How random! So naturally we got in line! I've never believed much in this kind of stuff and still don't really know where I stand with all of it, but one thing that I do know is that this guy was pretty legit lol

He grabbed my hand, looked at it for like 2 seconds and then looked up and said "Food. Really?" ha ha Lakyn got a huge kick out of it because I have been eating so much lately! I get 3rds for like every meal and I've been stressing about it lol so it was WAY funny that he brought it up. Then he told me:

• You like the idea of food in culture and enjoy the thought of travel (TOTALLY TRUE).
• You're a spontaneous kind of person. Your idea of perfect date wouldn't so much be a planned event, but more of a "I don't care what we do-- let's just do something random/spontaneous that we've never done before!". (TRUE)
• You usually first to volunteer for things (TRUE)
• You bit your nails as a product of being too critical of yourself (PROBABLY TRUE)
• Will analyze things to the death (TRUE)
• My creative side comes from my dad (NOT REALLY TRUE because I'm not that creative and neither is my dad.. that's my mom's trait if anything)
• I'm a hopeless romantic (TRUE)

I think he told me more but that's all I really remember.. It was really interesting to hear some of the things he told me about myself! Ha I just figure it's one of those things that's just kind of interesting, but I would never base my life around them. Lakyn actually attempts to defy her palm reading ha ha ha He told her (among many other funny things) that she was stubborn (TRUE ;), so she's been trying EXTRA hard lately NOT to be stubborn lol

Well those are my stories that I thought I'd share. These next weeks are going to be BRUTAL so I dunno when I'll chat next, but have a great week!