Another Turn

Man I won't lie I'm sick of thinking of ways to phrase these kinds of posts.

But I guess I'll start by saying it's back to square one for me--

I don't know why things like this keep happening... I mean honestly to not be with Brazil was hard enough to do, but then to be engaged to KJo and then have the Lord send me another way is ROUGH.

I don't know why it had to happen. I don't know why we had to be as far as we were before having these feelings. I don't know why for the 2nd time in my life he's gotten a YES and, though this time it came later than anticipated, I got a NO.

Up until last week I would pray about KJo and the only feelings that I felt were to just keep going-- and I was a little worried because we were all of the sudden finding a KILLER deal on a ring, then proposal, then finding a place to live-- the blessings just kept coming. Deep down I was a little worried, but still my answer was to be patient and move forward. One of my amazing mentors told me "Kaylen, if the only reason that you're kneeling across that alter in the temple is because you've yet to get a NO, then you go and have faith that the Lord will care for you and won't leave you alone on this most important decision." So that was when I decided to go forward and not look back unless otherwise prompted.

I hoped that 'otherwise prompted' would never come, but it did. Monday. and I knew exactly what was going to happen.

The only thing that I can say coming out of this is that I KNOW that I have a Father in Heaven that truly loves me and watches out for me. I know that there is a plan for me-- a plan of happiness and though this plan is 1,000% different than the plan I made for myself I know that God's will make me more happy than I ever could. Our relationship progressed quickly and a lot of things fell into place for us. I saw them as evidence that we should be together, but looking back I know that for some reason we needed to get to this point in our relationship-- and now that we're here we've done whatever it was that we needed to do. Our time together is over.

I don't know what's on my agenda now. I'm hoping that since my heart has felt this before that maybe it will remember how to mend itself more quickly and less painfully -- but I'm not holding my breath.

This weekend I'll be in Idaho at our ranch and our family reunion couldn't come at a better time. I love my family with all my heart and truly cant wait to see them. After that I get wisdom teeth out on the 30th-- aka zero fun. So I guess the task now is just to figure out Where I'm going and What I'm doing.

Love Kaylen

I guess that this means the search continues.